There's Finger Popping, 24-Hour Shopping in Rapture

You guys, the world didn't end! I'll be honest, I didn't post about this last week on the off chance that things went south on Saturday as predicted. I figured that I should just wait and see how things played out, because the line to apologize to Jesus for snarky blog posts about how the apocalypse wasn't going to happen would probably be pretty long.

Man, I'm gonna be here all day, guys!
How about I just send you all to Hell and we call it even? 

Look, religion is a tricky topic. I am not going to pretend that I have any answers, because I don't. Just so you know where my slanted view of all that follows is coming from: I was raised in what I think was a typical Protestant household with church on Sundays, and Bible study on Wednesdays. While one of my parents could easily have been classified as a Bible thumper, the other took a fairly humanist approach to the whole thing. At a bare minimum, I believe in something to the extent that there appears to be a limited order to the chaos of life. And honestly, years of dogmatic teaching by various religious instructors make it really hard for me to outright say that there's no possibility that some stuff in the Bible might be right.

 

Except for that whole leaving out evolution thing. Swing and a miss, Bible.

I also get that there is a long history of trying to impose individual beliefs/religions on the masses. But here's what I don't get: Harold Camping. Camping is not the only guy who has ever predicted the end of the world. Various religions have told the world that the end is coming, and so far no one has quite hit the nail on the head. But I am totally fascinated by this guy. In some ways he is probably just your average bear of a cult leader who uses his position of religious authority to rile people up. My guess is he does it because it makes him feel important, and because there's likely some money in it. But he has also predicted the exact date of the apocalypse TWICE, and has been wrong TWICE.



Although logically, you can probably only be right about the date of the apocalypse once.
It's kind of a one time only production, from what I can tell.



The weird part isn't that other people believed in him. I mean, people love to believe in weird things. (I, for example, totally believe that Richard Gere/gerbil rumor despite all evidence to the contrary). And on top of that, the United States has a very long history of religious outliers finding or making themselves at home on its soil.



Let's just say those Mayflower dudes weren't exactly "mainstream."



But what fascinates me is that even though Camping got it wrong the first time, he had the balls to do it again! It can't be a fun experience to name the exact date the world is ending, and then be wrong. I can't imagine that it feels good, or makes you a lot of friends. But Camping just dusted himself off and said, "Oh, I just forgot to carry the one in my complicated apocalypse equation. We're all good now." And even though he got it wrong again, it seems like he doesn't plan on taking a break from predicting the End Times.



At least take a nap or something, Harry. You are looking grim.



I guess I am mystified because I don’t understand his end game here. Why didn’t he just escape to a private island the last time he got it wrong? Can any one person truly believe in themself, and their abilities that much? If so, is his therapist taking new clients?

If you remember, I could use the help.

As far as the frenzy this created, I expected the religious fanatics to get on board, but what I didn’t expect is that so many people would pay attention to it. Granted most people were making fun of it. But if they were anything like me, it got them thinking about how many extreme natural and cultural events have occurred in the world lately. It seems like most of those events have been really scary.

Although now that Trump isn't running for President, my nightmares have been fewer.

So there is one guy out there who has predicted that the world was going to end incorrectly a couple of times, and that is pretty ridiculous. But religious douchenozzle or not, I think the reason we were paying attention is because of how off kilter everything seems out there right now. It definitely got me thinking about changes I can/should be making in the world.

All this said, I’m glad that the world didn’t end before I got to see Bridesmaids, because I’m seriously excited about that shit.

xoxo
zuzu

No Touching!

I realize that this blog has already covered a wide array of topics, and some of them are hot-button (racism, unemployment, and Justin Beiber, to name a few). But allow me toss a few lit matches onto this blog already doused in copious amounts of liberal gasoline, because it is cold here in Boston, and I need a roaring blaze.

As I may have subtly mentioned in my previous blog, I am pretty much just a big lesbian all of the time. Given that, and given my personal devotion to a little soccer team in England called “Arsenal,” I almost cried when I read this headline: “FIFA President: Gay Fans 'Should Refrain From Any Sexual Activities' During 2022 World Cup In Qatar”  Since I’ve never been at the World Cup in person, I can only assume this is in part a response to all the extreme and offensive homo action happening in the stands at every game.

(could not find photographic evidence of said homo action)

I love soccer.

Rough approximation of my most recent tattoo.


I also love my girlfriend.

Looking at the above image means you cannot attend the 2022 World Cup.

 I had no plans to actually go to Qatar for the World Cup before reading this article, but I also didn’t find myself questioning whether I could even watch my favorite sporting event from the comfort of my home. I have made stupid decisions in order to watch World Cup games. I employed massive study breaks during bar study in 2010, took vacation days from work in 2006, and watched television at ridiculous hours in 2002 in order to keep up with the World Cup. Am I really prepared to let a little rampant homophobia prevent me from tuning in when I was willing to watch most of the games on Univison in high school? (NNGOOOOOAAAAL!) The World Cup 2022 is technically a long way off, and I don’t want to seem like I’m worrying about this prematurely, but there are only two World Cups prior to 2022…so in World Cup years it’s only like three years away.

Also I have no idea what they are warning “homosexual fans” not to do.

Is this okay, Qatar?

The quote says: “homosexual fans ’should refrain from any sexual activities’ that are illegal in Qatar.” What activities are illegal?

How about this, FIFA? Is this okay?

Could someone come up with a bullet point list for all the gays out here? Is holding hands okay, or is that considered a “sexual activity”? Also when you say “homosexual fans” do you mean that people who are fans of gay people shouldn’t have sex in Qatar, or that people who are gay and fans of soccer shouldn’t have sex in Qatar? I think I know, but I don’t want to presume. Also, if I said Blatter and Qatar were gay together does that mean that by Qatar's own laws, they have to hold the World Cup somewhere else, because the entire country would be engaged in "homosexual activities?" Cuz I will totally start that rumor if it does.



Is that Qatar in your pocket or are you just really happy to see your boyfriend?

  

I’m not intentionally mocking your repressive theocracy, Qatar, nor am I attempting to call FIFA President Blatter a fat money-driven idiot, (because I would never want to hurt you more than I do with the mere fact of my gay existence) but a little clarity would be awesome.

I wish I could give you a red card for being an asshat.



Finally, I would just like to point out, for the record: Soccer is a sport with hot sweaty men running around in little shorts, tackling each other, and trying to get their balls  near (and ultimately in) each other’s goals. Is Qatar saying that is not a “homosexual activity?” Because if such an explicit metaphor for homo man-love is cool, then it sounds like pretty much anything goes.

I swear we're just friends, mom.

Blatter dropped this little nugget along with some information about “restrictive laws” against alcohol consumption. Well, I guess they have 11 years to keep dropping bombs about all of the restrictions Qatar will be imposing on 2022 World Cup attendees (I hope we find out that Qatar has laws against “sentient fans” next!) and I have 11 years to figure out if I’m going to boycott.

  

Blatter signals willingness to discuss "effeminate hand gestures" exception to Qatar restrictions.

xoxo
zuzu