Calling All Haters-of-"Bitches"

I am stopping in the middle of researching for my thesis to make the following announcement. I will no longer defend Kanye West to his many detractors. I forsake him completely. My love for him spontaneously combusted when Lairin Paris showed me this monstrosity:


Yes, it is real. I verified it several times over because I couldn't believe it.

Now, let me, just for a second, elaborate on my former love for Kanye. I can rap most of his songs offhand. I particularly enjoy busting out when intoxicated and impressing strangers with my Kanye rapping skills. Beyond loving his music and what he does in the industry, I defended him personally. Because I believed that every outburst he had was an outburst that spoke the truth and just displayed his passion. I defended you, Kanye West. I DEFENDED YOU TO THE WORLD.

And now this...

OK, so I think we all know about the shit show going on right now in the government, what with the Planned Parenthood funding cuts, the whole rape victims being renamed "accusers," and other just really shitty things. Now, in order to stay sane in all of this, I have decided to view every man that feels like he has a right to talk about abortions as quaint. It is just so fucking endearing to hear a guy, who has no idea what it means to be a lady, with lady bits, and the lady times, to blather on about abortion and rape, as if he knows.

I just don't know how people are getting away with saying the shit that they are saying. I don't know how Kanye West, a person I used to think was awesome, thought that that is an OK or appropriate statement to make. Putting aside the fact that it's completely inaccurate, it just shows how low of an opinion people continue to have of women. The very notion that a woman would get herself pregnant, to ultimately get an abortion, as a way to get money from a man is absurd. AB-FUCKING-SURD. Furthermore, the idea that a woman would accuse a guy of rape just for shits and giggles is equally absurd.

To top this all off, I particularly love when women lambast feminism as unnecessary and purely for the hating of men. Now, let's get this straight. I generally love the men-folk. They do some great things and provide the sexy times for us straight ladies. But, I do abhor certain individuals for their ignorance and this abhorrence does not discriminate based on gender, race, or what-have-yous. There have been plenty of lady folks [video of The Daily Show, they show a clip of House Repubs wanting to defund Planned Parenthood--most of whom are women] who have shown themselves during this turbulent time, claiming to be "pro-lifers," but are actually just giant a-holes. They are all around and have made a significant appearance in the House Republicans.

I guess I'm pretty pissed about a lot of things. But during all of this hoo-haa, I had a vain hope that my love for Kanye would stay strong... at least, I had that to turn to. But alas, I've lost that too. Now, I will return to my thesis research, which pretty much focuses on how people hated on women in the 16th century... good to know that the times have changed. Except, not really.

Song of the Week

So since no one complained about my song of the week post from last week, I'm doing another one this week. But this time I'm going to post about a band that Kleine told me about, because maybe she will be inclined to start contributing to the song of the week more actively...but for now, enjoy this band. Good find, Kleine. (note: if you like this song, check out the song "Marathon" too).



xoxo
zuzu

No Touching!

I realize that this blog has already covered a wide array of topics, and some of them are hot-button (racism, unemployment, and Justin Beiber, to name a few). But allow me toss a few lit matches onto this blog already doused in copious amounts of liberal gasoline, because it is cold here in Boston, and I need a roaring blaze.

As I may have subtly mentioned in my previous blog, I am pretty much just a big lesbian all of the time. Given that, and given my personal devotion to a little soccer team in England called “Arsenal,” I almost cried when I read this headline: “FIFA President: Gay Fans 'Should Refrain From Any Sexual Activities' During 2022 World Cup In Qatar”  Since I’ve never been at the World Cup in person, I can only assume this is in part a response to all the extreme and offensive homo action happening in the stands at every game.

(could not find photographic evidence of said homo action)

I love soccer.

Rough approximation of my most recent tattoo.


I also love my girlfriend.

Looking at the above image means you cannot attend the 2022 World Cup.

 I had no plans to actually go to Qatar for the World Cup before reading this article, but I also didn’t find myself questioning whether I could even watch my favorite sporting event from the comfort of my home. I have made stupid decisions in order to watch World Cup games. I employed massive study breaks during bar study in 2010, took vacation days from work in 2006, and watched television at ridiculous hours in 2002 in order to keep up with the World Cup. Am I really prepared to let a little rampant homophobia prevent me from tuning in when I was willing to watch most of the games on Univison in high school? (NNGOOOOOAAAAL!) The World Cup 2022 is technically a long way off, and I don’t want to seem like I’m worrying about this prematurely, but there are only two World Cups prior to 2022…so in World Cup years it’s only like three years away.

Also I have no idea what they are warning “homosexual fans” not to do.

Is this okay, Qatar?

The quote says: “homosexual fans ’should refrain from any sexual activities’ that are illegal in Qatar.” What activities are illegal?

How about this, FIFA? Is this okay?

Could someone come up with a bullet point list for all the gays out here? Is holding hands okay, or is that considered a “sexual activity”? Also when you say “homosexual fans” do you mean that people who are fans of gay people shouldn’t have sex in Qatar, or that people who are gay and fans of soccer shouldn’t have sex in Qatar? I think I know, but I don’t want to presume. Also, if I said Blatter and Qatar were gay together does that mean that by Qatar's own laws, they have to hold the World Cup somewhere else, because the entire country would be engaged in "homosexual activities?" Cuz I will totally start that rumor if it does.



Is that Qatar in your pocket or are you just really happy to see your boyfriend?

  

I’m not intentionally mocking your repressive theocracy, Qatar, nor am I attempting to call FIFA President Blatter a fat money-driven idiot, (because I would never want to hurt you more than I do with the mere fact of my gay existence) but a little clarity would be awesome.

I wish I could give you a red card for being an asshat.



Finally, I would just like to point out, for the record: Soccer is a sport with hot sweaty men running around in little shorts, tackling each other, and trying to get their balls  near (and ultimately in) each other’s goals. Is Qatar saying that is not a “homosexual activity?” Because if such an explicit metaphor for homo man-love is cool, then it sounds like pretty much anything goes.

I swear we're just friends, mom.

Blatter dropped this little nugget along with some information about “restrictive laws” against alcohol consumption. Well, I guess they have 11 years to keep dropping bombs about all of the restrictions Qatar will be imposing on 2022 World Cup attendees (I hope we find out that Qatar has laws against “sentient fans” next!) and I have 11 years to figure out if I’m going to boycott.

  

Blatter signals willingness to discuss "effeminate hand gestures" exception to Qatar restrictions.

xoxo
zuzu



Everybody Calm Down

I am procrastinating on a paper due on Wednesday (it's Monday night). Lairin Paris is there to lift me up when I am down via gchats:
And... that's how second semester senior year is, except with more worrying and cradled fetal positions.

Ah, memories

I feel like this is appropriate to put on a blog you have with your siblings.

On that note -- a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Zuzu today! She is being sworn into the Massachusetts bar! Woo!

Sorry I let you down

It's fun being young, because then you get to be under pressure from total strangers!

No More Talking From You

*sigh*

My first reaction to this was, "who gives a damn what this kid thinks. He's sixteen, the odds he's making informed decisions about politics and personal rights are really low." I mean, he doesn't seem that informed--does he know there are two Koreas? Or that the Korean War happened, let alone the repercussions thereof? Clearly no. I doubt very much that this guy, even were he so inclined, doesn't exactly have the time in his day to sit down with a reliable newspaper, or a history book. Also, isn't he home schooled? He's not really getting a diverse sampling of opinions, s'all I'm saying. Give him a break.

And then I realized: a lot of people care what this guy thinks. Worse, the group of people for whom Bieber is an opinion shaper is also a group that is directly effected by opinions/statements on abortion: young women. Young women who have now been told publicly, once again, that abortion is wrong. This time it's being told to them by someone they respect; more than that, by someone they're obsessed with, by someone who is the definition of cool. And this beloved celebrity tells them that "everything "happens for a reason" and they should not seek an abortion. He sort of acknowledges that rape is bad, but I guess abortion is, like, still worse? Because of the baby? This is more pressure being put on young women to curtail their own reproductive rights. And it's pressure from a guy who: 1) will never be put in a position when HE has decide whether or not to seek an abortion. EVER 2)is SIXTEEN, 3) doesn't fucking know that North Korea is a separate country from South Korea.

Another Lesbo Adoption Story

My girlfriend Sparks and I have been together for almost three years now, and it seemed like it was time to expand our family, so we finally pulled the trigger, and welcomed a 6 month old cat into our home. Well, I welcomed him into our home, since Sparks had to fly to Cincinnati almost immediately after picking him out. We decided to call him Kipling, and pretty much he is awesome. I love dogs without fail, and I'm down with most cats (as long as they aren't the kind that hide under beds for prolonged periods of time only emerging to scratch you, pee, and eat). But I have to admit I was a little nervous to actually get a cat.

I don't have a car, so I walked him home from the adoption center (about 5 minutes, but still this is Boston, people). I would have been totally pissed off if someone had shoved me into a plastic carrier and dragged me out into the cold, but not Kipling, as soon as I opened the carrier door, he was all "sweet digs, let's be bff's." He's actually just a pretty friendly little dude, who likes to be warn scarf-like around my neck as I do chores in the apartment, and gets overstimulated by the laser pointer toy. So here are some pictures:

Sparks and Kipling falling in love at the MSPCA

Kipling going to town on Sparks' blanket. Going. To. Town.

Kipling holding my hand.

So he's been here since Thursday, and so far not too much exciting has happened. He's curled up next to the computer right now, so that's pretty cool. Dodo's cat Sappho, and Kleine's cat Mimi have a new cousin.

xoxo

zuzu

Song of the Week

I am always trying to get my sisters to listen to my music, because I tend to have a highly ridiculous opinion of my own musical prowess, so I decided that I might be able to force them to do it, by creating a "Song of the Week" post, and hoping that they actually listen. This week I am loving Kathryn Calder. I am not going to say to much, because if you guys like her, hopefully you will do heavy research into her background (or just find out if she's "big" enough to have a wikipedia page yet).

This song in particular has been in frequent rotation...also the music video is just adorable, but sad at the same time, with a finger puppet bunny losing and trying to find his friend across the universe.



xoxo
zuzu

My Hearts Are Broken

Since I am officially the slacker of the group (one post so far, even though I promised to do one per week), I am going to make it up to my sisters with three posts today. Yes 3! This is my valentine to you, but my first post is about the world's anti-valentine to me. Or more specifically, how Necco broke my hearts.

Here is the first thing you need to know about me: I have a "Top Five" favorite candy list (I have a separate list for chocolate candy, as I consider it a separate entity). They are, in reverse sequential order:

5. Candy Buttons
4. Pop Rocks
3. Swedish Fish
2. Twizzlers Pull and Peel (cherry)
1. Necco Sweethearts

Necco Sweethearts are my favorite candy. They are seasonal sugary goodness. They are cheap. No matter how many times you brush your teeth after you eat them you will wake up with a coat of plaque a mile deep. This is why I loved them. Until now.

Within the Necco Sweetheart six flavor bag, I maintained a strict personal flavor hierarchy:

1. Banana
2. Mint
3. Cherry
4. Lime
5. Orange
6. Grape

I loved me some banana. Last year, for the first time I can remember, I didn't get a bag of Sweethearts. Instead my girlfriend, Sparks, picked up the $.99 box of limited edition "Twilight" Sweethearts (as a joke, friends). But apparently, this was a mistake, because one year ago, Necco destroyed my top five list by changing all their flavors in response to what I can only assume is the pressure from the powerful "modern fruit" lobbyists, because how else can you explain this:

The new flavors are: Strawberry, grape, green apple, lemon, orange, and blue raspberry. I found this out the hard way when I bit into a yellow Sweetheart yesterday and waited for my personal nirvana to come.

YELLOW IS NOW LEMON! They didn't even replace the banana flavor with a different color, and retire yellow to honor banana's years of outstanding performance and contributions to the game.

I am destroyed by this. And even more upset that I didn't know that they did this a year ago, so that I could start trying to replace them on my list then. It takes a long time to find a replacement candy, people! Do you think I even eat Candy Buttons anymore?? No! I just haven't found anything better since middle school.

R.I.P. Sweethearts. Maybe I will just turn it into a list of "Top Four" favorite candies, because nothing can ever truly replace you. This was, as my retired Sweethearts might say, "Real Love."

xoxo
zuzu

Lifestory, Illustrated

In Old Man News

Lairin Paris and I are editors for our college's literary magazine. [We're big deals... that's what I'm trying to say]. Anywho, each semester, we welcome a few newbs to the staff and go out to dinner at a delicate place called Phillipe's in Chinatown.

Whilst sitting there with our entourage of literature nerds, this gentleman strolls in:

Now, let's review. He's got that light on his head (not in use when inside), a pin that says "God is Good," and a flashing-red-light-necklace of sorts.

AKA the lethal combination of a straight up BADASS.

At the USC Bookstore

Get it?? Because it's like PRISON.

In Happier News!

Some of the highlights of staying at Hotel Madera in DC. The hotel was actually totally lovely and reasonably priced with excellent service, but clearly marketed for hip young couples (which me and my also-hetero and attached girlfriend were definitely not):

Rawr animal print bathrobes. Unfortunately my friend didn't realize that when she claimed the giraffe robe that it was made for a giant burly man. Check out the couple modeling them on that tag. There were couples having pillow fights, drinking, generally being romantic on EVERYTHING. The little thing you put on the door telling the cleaners not to bother cleaning the room said "CRAVING PRIVACY". Yeah.

Our absolute favorite item, though, was the shower cap with appropriate French translation:


We decided if someone were wearing the shower cap, this conversation should happen:
Person 1: Why are you wearing a shower cap?
Person 2: You mean my douche bonnet?

AWP(enis)

So I went to AWP, which is this giant writer's conference that somehow attracts hundreds of people who run the gamut of serious, legitimate, Pulitzer-winning writers to just really depressing people who can't put two words together. The latter are the blood-suckers who go from table to table and try to peddle their manuscripts to anyone who will look them in the eye.

The conference has three components: 1. a huge huge book fair where magazines, presses, MFA programs etc set up tables for people to purchase/inquire/peruse. 2. A slew of panels which involve some really cool (and often some not-so-cool) writers etc. 3. Readings that happen off-site and all the cool kids go to and get drunk at.

On the final day of AWP, I attended a panel with women publishers who started their own magazines or presses. As the women went down the line, one of the women shared a story from the AWP conference this year. She was sitting at her journal's booth and making friendly with her neighbors. One of the tables next to her had three men in their 30s, all of whom had helped found the table's press. One of them was a graduate of her MFA program (at a different time). She complimented them on their books -- how beautiful they were, and spoke to the fellow alum about how exciting it was that two graduates from their program went into publishing and seemed to be doing pretty well for themselves. One of the men then asked her how she felt about the word "panties." The woman publisher immediately thought of how she interacted with this word when reading manuscripts -- she hated the word, hated it when men used it in their writing, and generally thought it was problematic from an editorial standpoint. She began to relay this to the man, when he stopped her to explain he is recently divorced, and that he was trying to find the appropriate, well-liked word for underwear when telling women to take them off. He wanted to know if she liked it when a man told her to take off her "panties"...This provoked an ire in me that has been dormant for some time. The kind of blood boiling, near-tears ire saved for only the most special of offenses. I suppose it is because of the intelligence and grace of the woman, attempting to take part in a discourse with men who have no desire to engage with any woman beyond the sexual.

Though she had the decency to omit the name of this press, I did some research and, I believe, found the culprits: Birds, LLC. Fuck those guys.

That's So Gay

At work, there is a colleague of mine who happens to be gay. Over the past Summer, I worked with him pretty closely and we had some great times. Eventually, he insisted on calling me his "fag hag," which I guess I'm OK with.

The other day, I was catching up with him and this happened:
Me: You know, I didn't know you were gay for a long time.
Coworker: Neither did I!

Perfect response to such a stupid statement.

February is going to ROCK

Hey guys, guess what month it is!
WOMEN IN HORROR
(Insert sweet wailing guitars here)

This is actually kind of a big deal for me. As a super nerd lady I love to hear about these other ladies working in genres that I love, where, for whatever reason, “people” like to pretend we are not. Or that ladies are there as corollaries to men folk, semi fetish objects (I am looking at you, mainstream comics. I am looking right at you). So while I would like to say it is a given that women are a presence in genre and fringe cultures of all colors, stripes and patterns of plaid, there seems to be this ongoing attitude that we are not.

Especially after the SFX COLLECTION: HORROR shitshow. For those who are not me and therefore didn’t have to get up from his/her desk at work to go scream in the bathroom upon reading about this, what happened was a very respected SF/Fantasy glossy hailing from the UK put out a giant, special edition spotlight on horror. It was purportedly meant to show the wide variety within the genre, all the interesting, edgy, classic, different stuff happening. The whole spectrum of horror, if you will. Except, funny story, there were no women.

None.

Really guys? Because here’s the thing with genre—actually there are a lot of ladies living there. TRUFAX. But horror, horror especially owes so, so much to the brilliant women working in it. And not just right now. I mean, pretty much from go horror has been a genre in which the ladies were keeping it real, if you can excuse the academic parlance. I don’t just mean Mary Shelley (although she was a genius, and for sure one of the architects of horror) but all of the ladies who were first exploring the suffocating horror encroaching on their lives every day—the Gothic as a literary form is based a great deal on the stifling domestic space, on being locked away in houses or estates, isolation, child birth horror, poisons and consumption, ghosts lurking just behind lovely facades. And the ladies kept working in the genre long after the days of Ann Radcliffe. It’s exciting that Shirley Jackson seems to be finally getting her day, and folks seem to have remembered Patricia Highsmith. And now we have this fabulous month for fêting all the other ladies you never get to hear about (pause to plug Grace Krilanovich, Poppy Z. Brite, Ellen Datlow, Elizabeth Hand, Kathe Koja, Joyce Carol Oates [obvi], Mary Gaitskill [I count her as a horror writer, I can get why some people wouldn’t]) because no one wants to talk about them, or even admit that they’re refusing to talk about them. Ladies be here, and not just for getting ganked by some sexually repressed psycho. S’all I’m saying.

More of this: http://womeninhorrormonth.com/

Also, this (NSFW):
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdlz81_i-spit-on-eli-roth-dir-devi-snively_shortfilms