Sunday, May 29, 2011

French Tourists

I just got home from a day spent gallivanting about Paris (started at a sweet bakery on the Rue des Abbesses, went through the Tuileries, kept up a French conversation with a man by the mini Arc de Triomphe in front of the Louvre, got a free ticket from said man, waltzed in the Louvre for a bit, got Chinese food--super cheap in Paris, a little gelato, a metro ride, now I'm back).

An insane amount of time is spent simply trying to find where the eff you are going. Here's the deal about Paris, it's confusing as FUDGE. [Note: Fudge, for some reason, is a confusing concept to me, thus the metaphor works]. Unlike NYC, which is basically a gridlock and super easy to find your way around if you have a map, or even LA, which has major streets that sort of run parallel, Paris does not do this. No, no. Paris, decided to outdo every international city in what-the-fuckery and designed it after a snail. NO JOKE, PEOPLE: A SNAIL (ESCARGOT, if you will).

Here's a rudimentary image of the snail- Paris map comparison, found on the internet:

You see all those numbers? Those are the neighborhoods, known as arrondisements. So rather than have some sort of normal thing going on, they've got the 5th arrondisement sharing borders with the 4th and 6th (normal), as well as the 14th, 13th, 12th. WHAT? So, you'll be walking along, thinking you're super close to the 3rd, but then you stumble into the 12th and before you know it you're in the ban-lieue (which basically translates as the "boondocks").

And just so you get a little taste of how the streets run (not parallel or perpendicular), just a clusterfuck of streets, here's a picture:


It's as if they had some sort of sadistic spider (wearing a beret) design this absurd street layout.

But, I digress. This post is really supposed to be about an outlandish couple I saw on the metro on the way home. I don't even know where to begin. Unfortunately, my camera is broken/ I'm too lazy to figure out its problem, so I don't have direct evidence of this. It's a cherished memory.

Basically, a man and a woman, probably in their early 20s, come onto the metro. They, essentially, grope each other throughout the ride. The female has the following going on:

Female mullet, check! (Hers was a bit curlier). Socks with Birkenstocks, check! Unshaven legs, check! [As a feminist, I know it shouldn't bother me, BUT IT DOES].

Here's what the guy's bringing to the table:


A colossal unibrow, check! Fanny pack, check! An air of general creepiness that makes everyone within 20 feet suddenly get a shiver of uncomfortableness, check!

Here's the surprising part: THEY SPOKE FRENCH. ONLY FRENCH. So, they weren't American tourists, or even Dutch tourists, they were FRANCAIS. Now, their appearance was really just the cherry on top of the gross sundae. They were all over each other, which, in Paris, is normal bidness [I often see couples giving sweet little kisses over and over again, not making out, just kisses, caressing each other's faces and stuff--makes my heart swell with envy]. However, instead of giving each other sweet little kisses, they decided to saddle somewhere between how-13-year-olds-makeout and a wet-peck-on-the-lips. I kid you not when I say that every time they kissed, the girl was SURE to stick her tongue out BEFORE their lips met. Just straight tongue out. It was like a slobber pistol, ready for action. And the kiss wasn't prolonged or anything. It was just un petit bisou, except it made me want to simultaneously burst out laughing and spit up.

I couldn't help but stare. I know, it's wrong. But, I was just so fascinated that someone could seriously walk around thinking: "Oh yeah! This is totally how you kiss. You gotta make sure that your tongue grazes your lover's uvula before the lips actually meet. It's just the basic formula to a great kiss." And just as fascinating was the fact that the guy/ receiver of this tongue was TOTALLY INTO IT. Furthermore, their absurd outfits and the fact that they were clearly Francophone just added to the whole affair.

I like to think that they were performance artists because the whole thing was just too good to be true. They are just playing a joke on all the metro riders, upending all stereotypes of the French people as good and adept lovers.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Special Connex

So I am heading to Croatia this evening. This past week has been a daily insanity of wrapping things up before I leave for nearly three weeks. Hours and hours of errands. Finally, today, I'm doing my packing. My cat has been watching me, swiping at things, smelling things, and stepping on my computer periodically throughout this process. I decided to double check my packing list I had on my computer when I finished:

Yeah, that about sums up how I feel inside.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Song of the Week

I received the following message yesterday from Kleine (who I can only assume sent it between bites of her baguette avec fromage):

"i'm obsessed with this song"

...and with that, I present our Song of the Week.



xoxo
kleine (via zuzu).

Monday, May 23, 2011

There's Finger Popping, 24-Hour Shopping in Rapture

You guys, the world didn't end! I'll be honest, I didn't post about this last week on the off chance that things went south on Saturday as predicted. I figured that I should just wait and see how things played out, because the line to apologize to Jesus for snarky blog posts about how the apocalypse wasn't going to happen would probably be pretty long.

Man, I'm gonna be here all day, guys!
How about I just send you all to Hell and we call it even? 

Look, religion is a tricky topic. I am not going to pretend that I have any answers, because I don't. Just so you know where my slanted view of all that follows is coming from: I was raised in what I think was a typical Protestant household with church on Sundays, and Bible study on Wednesdays. While one of my parents could easily have been classified as a Bible thumper, the other took a fairly humanist approach to the whole thing. At a bare minimum, I believe in something to the extent that there appears to be a limited order to the chaos of life. And honestly, years of dogmatic teaching by various religious instructors make it really hard for me to outright say that there's no possibility that some stuff in the Bible might be right.
 
Except for that whole leaving out evolution thing. Swing and a miss, Bible.

I also get that there is a long history of trying to impose individual beliefs/religions on the masses. But here's what I don't get: Harold Camping. Camping is not the only guy who has ever predicted the end of the world. Various religions have told the world that the end is coming, and so far no one has quite hit the nail on the head. But I am totally fascinated by this guy. In some ways he is probably just your average bear of a cult leader who uses his position of religious authority to rile people up. My guess is he does it because it makes him feel important, and because there's likely some money in it. But he has also predicted the exact date of the apocalypse TWICE, and has been wrong TWICE.


Although logically, you can probably only be right about the date of the apocalypse once.
It's kind of a one time only production, from what I can tell.

The weird part isn't that other people believed in him. I mean, people love to believe in weird things. (I, for example, totally believe that Richard Gere/gerbil rumor despite all evidence to the contrary). And on top of that, the United States has a very long history of religious outliers finding or making themselves at home on its soil.


Let's just say those Mayflower dudes weren't exactly "mainstream."

But what fascinates me is that even though Camping got it wrong the first time, he had the balls to do it again! It can't be a fun experience to name the exact date the world is ending, and then be wrong. I can't imagine that it feels good, or makes you a lot of friends. But Camping just dusted himself off and said, "Oh, I just forgot to carry the one in my complicated apocalypse equation. We're all good now." And even though he got it wrong again, it seems like he doesn't plan on taking a break from predicting the End Times.

At least take a nap or something, Harry. You are looking grim.

I guess I am mystified because I don’t understand his end game here. Why didn’t he just escape to a private island the last time he got it wrong? Can any one person truly believe in themself, and their abilities that much? If so, is his therapist taking new clients?


If you remember, I could use the help.

As far as the frenzy this created, I expected the religious fanatics to get on board, but what I didn’t expect is that so many people would pay attention to it. Granted most people were making fun of it. But if they were anything like me, it got them thinking about how many extreme natural and cultural events have occurred in the world lately. It seems like most of those events have been really scary.


Although now that Trump isn't running for President, my nightmares have been fewer.

So there is one guy out there who has predicted that the world was going to end incorrectly a couple of times, and that is pretty ridiculous. But religious douchenozzle or not, I think the reason we were paying attention is because of how off kilter everything seems out there right now. It definitely got me thinking about changes I can/should be making in the world.

All this said, I’m glad that the world didn’t end before I got to see Bridesmaids, because I’m seriously excited about that shit.

xoxo
zuzu

Friday, May 20, 2011

Song of the Week: Repost Because I Don't Understand the Delete Button

I accidentally deleted this post...so it is old, and I am reposting it. Please ignore unless you didn't see it the first time...

If you like Bon Iver, you will like S. Carey. He is pretty awesome, although he will definitely make you feel depressed if you listen a bunch of his songs in a row. Anyway, I am posting two songs by him, because while I was doing my research for this post, I saw that the song that I originally wanted to post, In the Dirt, had just been used in an episode of a television show that a lot of people in the country watch.

So just to keep things fresh, I am posting another great song by S. Carey, too. It's called All We Grow. I don't like All We Grow as much as I like In the Dirt, but I still like it a lot. 




xoxo
zuzu

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Pain Pour Tout le Monde!

Sorry about the super lame title. I am in Paris right now, taking a poetry class no less. I'm also actively wearing berets and skinny mustaches with a baguette in each pocket. Kind of like this:

[according to this image, I also smell really bad]. Anywho, I have been eating copious amounts of bread. At least a baguette a day, so far. I literally had an entire baguette for lunch and I bought the closest thing to cheddar cheese and ate the two together. And you guys cannot give me shit for eating a cheddar-y type cheese because I happen to fucking love cheddar cheese. It is awesome. Furthermore, I'm not a huge fan of brie *gasp.* I'm more of an Italian cheese kinda girl, ya know with the mozzarellas, the burratas, the buffalo mozzarellas, the parmigiana, romano, more mozzarella, etc . SO WHATEVER. STOP JUDGING.

I'm slightly concerned about this new diet of only delicious bread. Don't get me wrong, it's awesome. Best thing ever. Especially when a baguette costs less than 1 euro, which in American dollars is slightly less than 20 bucks. [Note: I'm only exaggerating slightly]. But, at a certain point I will be in danger of returning to the Colonies looking like this:


But, I will probably be wearing black as a sad attempt at a slimming effect. Now while this is a fear for me, it's not a big enough one for me to stop eating fresh baguettes every day. It's worth the risk. I may be eating it with Fromage De Hollande:


rather than Camembert, but that is my prerogative, people! I do Paris my way, you do it yours.

I also will be eating PAIN CHOCOLAT all day as well. It literally means chocolate bread. So, I'm just adding chocolate to my diet of bread. Expanding my horizons and palette.

It's been a long time comin'

I'm posting something! Months since my last post! Well, it'll probably be the last one for a while as I'm skipping town and will be off the grid. In any event, here goes.

I was getting Korean food with my boyfriend, his dad and his sister. This is apparently one of the few places that has vegetarian kimchi soups, so I was pretty excited about a spicy kimchi jigae. While perusing the menu, however, I found there was perhaps a feeling that my kind wasn't welcome:

Notice the "white" being a full rung below "mild" on the spiciness table. My boyfriend and his family are Pakistani, and the restaurant was full of Koreans. The cheese stands alone. We had a good laugh about this.

Later we asked for hot sauce and they brought us a bottle of something that was basically ketchup. Clearly I had tainted the table!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Nothing About This Is Okay

Oh, eff you Ben Stein.

Because important rich white dudes never commit crimes! Especially not sexual assault! He had a college degree!!

Attitudes like this are such a problem. And they’re getting published. Why, why would any editor read “People accuse other people of crimes all of the time. What do we know about the complainant besides that she is a hotel maid?” ABOUT HER REPORTING AN ATTACK AND RAPE and think that this was an okay thing to say? “It’s just the help, guys! You can’t trust those criminal working class!” Really?

I’m amazed at the speed at which the privileged white male elite class can rush together. I actually had the rage shakes reading this ‘article.’ He actually argues that this man should get preferential treatment. He is receiving the same treatment any accused rapist gets in New York. That is what happens when you are accused of a rape. You get investigated. SURPRISE, sometimes there are consequences. Not always (not enough) but if he committed this crime he should be punished. When a woman, or a man, comes forward with allegations of rape they should be investigated, always, full stop. How is that even a question? Because this accused rapist was rich, white and educated, he should be afforded different treatment than other accused rapists? Is Mr. Stein aware of how disgusting he sounds?

“This is a case about the hatred of the have-nots for the haves, and that's what it's all about. A man pays $3,000 a night for a hotel room? He's got to be guilty of something. Bring out the guillotine.”

I keep trying to gather my thoughts to talk about this in a way that is less curse words and invective, but I keep slamming up against my disgust and shock. There is nothing about this that is okay.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Limited Vegetarian Options

Last Thursday, on my first night in California, my mom took Kleine, Dodo, me, Sparks, and Dodi's boyfriend out to dinner. My mom's good friend also joined us. The restaurant did not have a lot of vegetarian options, but they did have a vegetarian platter on the menu. I asked what was in the vegetarian platter, and it was basically just some chickpeas and feta. It sounded good to me. However, when the waitress came to take our order, the following occurred:

Me: I will have the vagetarian pletter... I mean, the vagetar...the vah- no, ehgetarian platter.
Waitress: The vegetarian platter?
Me: Yes, the vag...the, uh...the va...the...yes, I will have that.
Waitress: Okay.
Me: And another beer.

I don't know what kind of weird mental/freudian thing was going on at that particular moment in time, but I literally could not say "vegetarian platter." I think I was reversing the vowels from vegetarian and platter, but I basically just order a vag platter about five times.

Luckily this was California, so the waitress was very sweet and mellow about the whole thing. But it took me all of the strength that I possess not to leave that restaurant and wait for everyone in the car.

xoxo
zuzu

Song of the Week

How to find a band you like:

1) Have a conversation with your sister's boyfriend telling him you are looking for good music, and asking for suggestions.

2) Check out songs by the musician he talked about.

3) Check out side projects by the musician he talked about.

4) Scour the interwebs for information about that musician.

5) Stumble across an article that mentions another band that took their name from a song done by the side project of that musician.

6) Start listening to the other band.

7) Pretend that you found the other band all on your own, and talk about how awesome you are at finding good music.

...Hey, look at this band I found all on my own! I am so awesome at finding good music. My discovery of The Antlers had nothing to do with Dodo's boyfriend suggesting three years ago that I might like Mirah. I really liked their album Hospice, and I really like their new album Burst Apart.


xoxo
zuzu

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Boy's Wicked Smaht

Hello, gentle readers. I am just writing a quick P.S.A. to anyone who has been checking this blog in the last week wondering where the hell us three sisters (and a friend) are. Basically 3 out of the 4 of us are graduating from some sort of higher educational institution or another in the the coming week, so everyone has been a little busy writing **insert the plural of the word "thesis" here**. (Tangent Alert: Seriously though, what is the plural of  "thesis"? Thesi? Thesises? Thessalonian?)


If 13 years in the Arizona Public School System taught me anything,
it's that looking stuff up in a dictionary is for losers and wimps.

Dodo will be getting her big fat poetry degree, and moving on to her spankin' new PhD program. Kleine and Lairin are both graduating from college, and joining me in the highly educated and occasionally employed sector. 

Yay! We're all motherfucking nerds, now!

Me? I'm totally busy too, so lay off! Jeez, give a girl some space for a minute! I just need some time to figure out my long game, and when I do it's going to be awesome!

First I need to just hang out in my mom's basement for a few more months, though.

Just kidding! My life has not been very busy at all, aside from usual. Although it is my birthday in a couple of days. So I guess I am kind of "graduating" in the sense that I will no longer be 28. And getting through 28 was kind of hard work.

But I am pretty sure I'm ready for 29.
Anyhoo, all of the siblings (including our rumored reader/silent partner/brother), and most of the respective main squeezes are getting together in L.A. tomorrow. We will be celebrating all of the "big days" that are happening, and maybe I can convince someone to join me in a joint post to make up for the radio silence here on She Be's.

In the meantime, I hope you will join me in congratulating Dodo, Kleine, and Lairin on their hard work and big brains. I am just so proud of them!

xoxo
zuzu

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Song of the Week

I have already mentioned how much I like those crazy Swedes and their musical stylings, so it should come as no surprise that this week's song is provided by one. I kind of just choose this particular Lykke Li song because of how weirdly awesome the music video is. I'm just going to look past the fact that she looks like a bizarro Olsen twin for most of the video, because I've never thought that before and I hope I never think it again.  
xoxo
zuzu

Monday, May 2, 2011

Procrastination Station

In an effort to avoid writing a paper on the Legend of Good Women by Chaucer, I am doing this post.

My cat, Mimi, whom you have met, likes to just crawl over my keyboard when I'm on the computer. I have been tempted many-a-time to just turn in a paper with Mimi's efforts all over it. Another thing she likes to do is sit on my chest when I'm on my computer, so it's impossible to type, but it's so cute that I can't move her:

[Note: this is mostly done in the morning when I am checking my email and haven't gotten out of bed].

Anyway, so the other day she decided to crawl on my keyboard and I was on the interwebs. Her typing opened up a new tab in Firefox, which offered help and this image:

Now, I know it's supposed to be a fox of sorts, but that to me is sexy cat nurse. Mimi knew what she was doing when pulling up that page.

And on that note, I'd like to share this delectable photo of Little Girl whom you've also met, as she just looks like a grade-A bitch and it's hilarious:
Now, unlike Mimi, she just doesn't give a fuck about that cat nurse.