No Touching!

I realize that this blog has already covered a wide array of topics, and some of them are hot-button (racism, unemployment, and Justin Beiber, to name a few). But allow me toss a few lit matches onto this blog already doused in copious amounts of liberal gasoline, because it is cold here in Boston, and I need a roaring blaze.

As I may have subtly mentioned in my previous blog, I am pretty much just a big lesbian all of the time. Given that, and given my personal devotion to a little soccer team in England called “Arsenal,” I almost cried when I read this headline: “FIFA President: Gay Fans 'Should Refrain From Any Sexual Activities' During 2022 World Cup In Qatar”  Since I’ve never been at the World Cup in person, I can only assume this is in part a response to all the extreme and offensive homo action happening in the stands at every game.

(could not find photographic evidence of said homo action)

I love soccer.

Rough approximation of my most recent tattoo.


I also love my girlfriend.

Looking at the above image means you cannot attend the 2022 World Cup.

 I had no plans to actually go to Qatar for the World Cup before reading this article, but I also didn’t find myself questioning whether I could even watch my favorite sporting event from the comfort of my home. I have made stupid decisions in order to watch World Cup games. I employed massive study breaks during bar study in 2010, took vacation days from work in 2006, and watched television at ridiculous hours in 2002 in order to keep up with the World Cup. Am I really prepared to let a little rampant homophobia prevent me from tuning in when I was willing to watch most of the games on Univison in high school? (NNGOOOOOAAAAL!) The World Cup 2022 is technically a long way off, and I don’t want to seem like I’m worrying about this prematurely, but there are only two World Cups prior to 2022…so in World Cup years it’s only like three years away.

Also I have no idea what they are warning “homosexual fans” not to do.

Is this okay, Qatar?

The quote says: “homosexual fans ’should refrain from any sexual activities’ that are illegal in Qatar.” What activities are illegal?

How about this, FIFA? Is this okay?

Could someone come up with a bullet point list for all the gays out here? Is holding hands okay, or is that considered a “sexual activity”? Also when you say “homosexual fans” do you mean that people who are fans of gay people shouldn’t have sex in Qatar, or that people who are gay and fans of soccer shouldn’t have sex in Qatar? I think I know, but I don’t want to presume. Also, if I said Blatter and Qatar were gay together does that mean that by Qatar's own laws, they have to hold the World Cup somewhere else, because the entire country would be engaged in "homosexual activities?" Cuz I will totally start that rumor if it does.



Is that Qatar in your pocket or are you just really happy to see your boyfriend?

  

I’m not intentionally mocking your repressive theocracy, Qatar, nor am I attempting to call FIFA President Blatter a fat money-driven idiot, (because I would never want to hurt you more than I do with the mere fact of my gay existence) but a little clarity would be awesome.

I wish I could give you a red card for being an asshat.



Finally, I would just like to point out, for the record: Soccer is a sport with hot sweaty men running around in little shorts, tackling each other, and trying to get their balls  near (and ultimately in) each other’s goals. Is Qatar saying that is not a “homosexual activity?” Because if such an explicit metaphor for homo man-love is cool, then it sounds like pretty much anything goes.

I swear we're just friends, mom.

Blatter dropped this little nugget along with some information about “restrictive laws” against alcohol consumption. Well, I guess they have 11 years to keep dropping bombs about all of the restrictions Qatar will be imposing on 2022 World Cup attendees (I hope we find out that Qatar has laws against “sentient fans” next!) and I have 11 years to figure out if I’m going to boycott.

  

Blatter signals willingness to discuss "effeminate hand gestures" exception to Qatar restrictions.

xoxo
zuzu