My Hearts Are Broken

Since I am officially the slacker of the group (one post so far, even though I promised to do one per week), I am going to make it up to my sisters with three posts today. Yes 3! This is my valentine to you, but my first post is about the world's anti-valentine to me. Or more specifically, how Necco broke my hearts.

Here is the first thing you need to know about me: I have a "Top Five" favorite candy list (I have a separate list for chocolate candy, as I consider it a separate entity). They are, in reverse sequential order:

5. Candy Buttons
4. Pop Rocks
3. Swedish Fish
2. Twizzlers Pull and Peel (cherry)
1. Necco Sweethearts

Necco Sweethearts are my favorite candy. They are seasonal sugary goodness. They are cheap. No matter how many times you brush your teeth after you eat them you will wake up with a coat of plaque a mile deep. This is why I loved them. Until now.

Within the Necco Sweetheart six flavor bag, I maintained a strict personal flavor hierarchy:

1. Banana
2. Mint
3. Cherry
4. Lime
5. Orange
6. Grape

I loved me some banana. Last year, for the first time I can remember, I didn't get a bag of Sweethearts. Instead my girlfriend, Sparks, picked up the $.99 box of limited edition "Twilight" Sweethearts (as a joke, friends). But apparently, this was a mistake, because one year ago, Necco destroyed my top five list by changing all their flavors in response to what I can only assume is the pressure from the powerful "modern fruit" lobbyists, because how else can you explain this:

The new flavors are: Strawberry, grape, green apple, lemon, orange, and blue raspberry. I found this out the hard way when I bit into a yellow Sweetheart yesterday and waited for my personal nirvana to come.

YELLOW IS NOW LEMON! They didn't even replace the banana flavor with a different color, and retire yellow to honor banana's years of outstanding performance and contributions to the game.

I am destroyed by this. And even more upset that I didn't know that they did this a year ago, so that I could start trying to replace them on my list then. It takes a long time to find a replacement candy, people! Do you think I even eat Candy Buttons anymore?? No! I just haven't found anything better since middle school.

R.I.P. Sweethearts. Maybe I will just turn it into a list of "Top Four" favorite candies, because nothing can ever truly replace you. This was, as my retired Sweethearts might say, "Real Love."

xoxo
zuzu